Archive for October, 2010

While I sit in front of the computer, I really wonder what I could possibly type. I know I have to type something here before I leave, which happens to be tomorrow night. Yet I get this feeling of being far away. Too far from the world or the people around me. I wish I could know them like I did, but my mind was too far today. Is this supposed to be God’s peace that comes upon me when I make a decision that is right? If it is God’s peace, where is His joy?

When I was younger, I used to think about how God might send me to some far away country to preach the gospel, and I thought that it shouldn’t be too bad. Looks like the decisions that may be hard to make are not that hard to make after all. But only in difficult choices comes the testing and proving. It is the testing of separation unto Him, and surrendered-ness of my life, that has been the most painful. I cannot tell now the difference between pain or joy or contentment or peace. I knew it was coming someday. He made me think about this again and again, every time I came into His presence seeking direction. I suppose avoiding the answer was not the right way. Now I am speechless before Him. I come into His presence with no more expectation, only tears. No more hope, only quiet obedience. If He must work His way like this, I suppose He must.

Being human, there is a little bit of me left hoping. But that’s all there is left.


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the old-fashioned way

I learnt about this group of people in secondary school- the conservative older generation. They are the people who frown upon everything we young people do nowadays. Why can’t these people see that things are changing now? We are talking about globalization and change for efficiency. They should learn to accept our new and youthful culture and behavior. Or so I thought then.

As I think about it now, I realize that I have been becoming a more conservative person. I still have good reason and rationale for the things I do, and do not follow tradition easily. But in all other areas of beliefs, relationships and the people close to me, I am starting to see a lot of value in the principles that the “older generation” hold. As I allow God to take the lead in my life, shaping my character according to His Word, I start to do things a lot differently from the people around me. What these things are I guess I won’t mention.

Maybe being conservative has a negative sound to it. I prefer to think it as conservative with reason and sound values.

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